Thursday, October 25, 2012
Freedom of Speech
It is a sad sad day when someone gets attacked because they stood up for their opinion.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Procrastination
I'm writing to write. I can't seem to figure out what I want to write about, but it's all there at my fingertips. I'm watching a show on Hulu , Charging my phone, writing my book, and procrastinating on my homework. I'm so tired.
Small moments are worth writing about right?
I just find it strange how inter connected we all are these days, it gets a little excessive. We'd never survive if the world turned all Revolution style on us. That TV show is insane, and awesome, and insanely awesome.
Back to my other activities
Small moments are worth writing about right?
I just find it strange how inter connected we all are these days, it gets a little excessive. We'd never survive if the world turned all Revolution style on us. That TV show is insane, and awesome, and insanely awesome.
Back to my other activities
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
RIP Autumn
It is horrifying what people are capable of. A girl who lived not far from my hometown was taken this past Saturday form her neighborhood. A twelve year old little girl and In two days hundreds upon hundreds of people banned together to search for her. Many used twitter and facebook to spread the news, others marked cars and passed out flyers, there were huge searches for this girl, and this morning the true tragedy of this appearance was announced. Autumn was discovered in a blue recycling bin waiting to be carted away with the trash, not far at all from her home.
It is a sad and sobering fact that people are capable of being monsters. Whoever is responsible for Autumn's death deserves much worse than what he or she has done. I personally cannot understand how anyone could murder a child, let alone the other horrific possibilities. My heart goes out to her family. I do sincerely hope her family finds peace and the monster responsible is brought to old school justice.
Some may argue that we have laws and rules for a reason, but monsters like this one deserve none of the protection afforded by those laws. When i say old school justice I mean ripping and tearing the monster apart. Doing anything and everything to cause that person pain. I am not typically a vengeful person but when someone commits murder its a very bad thing, but when an innocent child is taken off the street and murdered in secret and then shoved in a trash bin like they were nothing, that monster deserves to be drawn and quartered.
With the bad though comes good. It is moving to see how many people banned together in the two days Autumn was missing. This world may be capable of producing monsters but it is also capable of fighting them. That I dare say is part of being an American, if not simply part of being human. American's join together in times of crisis and fight back. We survive together and demand justice for every wrong done to us. Consider 9/11, I'm by no means comparing the two events in anyway, but rather the responses. During the days, months, even years after 9/11 people banded together under the guise of fighting back. Triumphing over the evils done. Hundred of people lined up at the armed forces recruitment offices to join the fight against the terrorists, and many more found ways to join the fight from home. When the word spread about this missing 12 year old girl the community responded. Many levels of police and FBI joined in the search and even many people from outside towns came to assist.
I think there is a lesson to be learned from this horrible action and awe-inspiring reaction. We may find monsters around us, but we together can fight them off. We will always fight to protect our own.
I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LOSS OF AUTUMN. I sincerely hope that her family is able to find peace and happiness again and I hope that they know they are loved and supported by the hundreds of people around them.
I hope the monster who hurt this precious child is found and soon.
It is a sad and sobering fact that people are capable of being monsters. Whoever is responsible for Autumn's death deserves much worse than what he or she has done. I personally cannot understand how anyone could murder a child, let alone the other horrific possibilities. My heart goes out to her family. I do sincerely hope her family finds peace and the monster responsible is brought to old school justice.
Some may argue that we have laws and rules for a reason, but monsters like this one deserve none of the protection afforded by those laws. When i say old school justice I mean ripping and tearing the monster apart. Doing anything and everything to cause that person pain. I am not typically a vengeful person but when someone commits murder its a very bad thing, but when an innocent child is taken off the street and murdered in secret and then shoved in a trash bin like they were nothing, that monster deserves to be drawn and quartered.
With the bad though comes good. It is moving to see how many people banned together in the two days Autumn was missing. This world may be capable of producing monsters but it is also capable of fighting them. That I dare say is part of being an American, if not simply part of being human. American's join together in times of crisis and fight back. We survive together and demand justice for every wrong done to us. Consider 9/11, I'm by no means comparing the two events in anyway, but rather the responses. During the days, months, even years after 9/11 people banded together under the guise of fighting back. Triumphing over the evils done. Hundred of people lined up at the armed forces recruitment offices to join the fight against the terrorists, and many more found ways to join the fight from home. When the word spread about this missing 12 year old girl the community responded. Many levels of police and FBI joined in the search and even many people from outside towns came to assist.
I think there is a lesson to be learned from this horrible action and awe-inspiring reaction. We may find monsters around us, but we together can fight them off. We will always fight to protect our own.
I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LOSS OF AUTUMN. I sincerely hope that her family is able to find peace and happiness again and I hope that they know they are loved and supported by the hundreds of people around them.
I hope the monster who hurt this precious child is found and soon.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Epic Moments and Peacful Warriors
When I started writing this, I had several thoughts in my head that I wanted to write about. I had a notion of explaining my most epic, or perfect moment. I sat down and that notion hit rock bottom. Truth is I don't have one. Or at least when I think about it I can't pick one out from my past. I can imagine what one would be like for me, but its never happened it probably never will. The point is I can imagine it. I can see myself, or the version of myself I'd like to be, sitting on a roof top, comfortable looking out over the other rooftops of a nameless city. I am warm in the light of the rising sun. A new day is about to begin and it is the perfect ending to the day before. My arms are wrapped around my knees and I waiting for something. Multiple somethings. I am waiting for the bells to chime on the chapel near by, and waiting for someone to sit down next to me. The epic quality of this moment increases when I feel the presence of someone else, I haven't decided if it's a he or a she yet so let's just call them Someone. This someone makes me feel safe and I feel like anything is possible when they lean their shoulder against mine. This person and I haven't had sex, we want to, but the promise of something special in our shared future keeps us from going for it. The moments like this are too good to give up. Passion comes in all forms, not just in sex and we know this and we accept it. Its like a secret for us, we hold on to the future possibility of intimate moments, waiting for the next epic to begin. We want it to be the most epic moment, not this moment, we want one specifically epic because its ours. After all our lives together are and will always be a string of epic moments.
When I started considering this idea in more detail a story came to mind, one of great importance in my life. Funny thing it isn't my story. It's the story of Dan Millman. He wrote a book called The Way of The Peaceful Warrior, it was turned into a movie. I can remember going on a whim with my mother to see it and walking out of the theater feeling like I'd be changed forever. So many moments in that movie are worthy of repeating in quotation marks for you, but I don't know if they hold the same weight when I say them. Dan was a hot shot gymnast in school one day and after an unfortunate accident when everything seemed lost he found a new way. For the longest time I wanted to find that way, I even purchased a guide book. It makes sense that I would want to be that way, it makes sense that anyone would want to follow in the footsteps of Socrates in the story. He is a god in my eyes, and I can't help but picture him looking exactly like Nick Nolte. One of my favorite quotes from the movie is "There is No Starting or Stopping Only Doing." and I agree, you can't stop the world and you don't really start anything. You do it. You breathe, you walk, you talk, you think, you do work. It's all a string of doing. Another good one is "Life is Choice, you can chose to be a victim or anything else you'd like to be." It is a harder bit of information for me to swallow but I agree. I've been fighting depression for a few years now and I actively choose not to let it run or ruin my life. I fight against it.
The one quote that I think is the reason I thought about this story now is " There are no ordinary moments" I may not think those moments in my past were as epic as they seemed but there really are no ordinary moments.
Here is a trailer clip
I can't think of how to explain the rest of them so here's the quotes... You really need to watch the movie and read the book.
"Throw out everything you don't need...that's keeping you from this moment."
"Everything has a purpose, even this, and it's up to you to find it."
"A Warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does."
"The journey is what brings us happiness not the destination "
"The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most. "
"A warrior is not about perfection or victory or invulnerability. He's about absolute vulnerability. "
"The Mind is just a reflex organ, it reacts to everything."
"I want you to stop gathering information from the outside and start gathering it from the inside. "
"I call myself a peaceful warrior because the battles we fight are on the inside."
"People are not theirs thoughts, they think they are, and it brings them all kinds of sadness. "
"Death isn't sad. The sad thing is: most people don't live at all. "
"Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you come to your senses."
"This moment is the only thing that matters."
"Are you paying attention?"
When I started considering this idea in more detail a story came to mind, one of great importance in my life. Funny thing it isn't my story. It's the story of Dan Millman. He wrote a book called The Way of The Peaceful Warrior, it was turned into a movie. I can remember going on a whim with my mother to see it and walking out of the theater feeling like I'd be changed forever. So many moments in that movie are worthy of repeating in quotation marks for you, but I don't know if they hold the same weight when I say them. Dan was a hot shot gymnast in school one day and after an unfortunate accident when everything seemed lost he found a new way. For the longest time I wanted to find that way, I even purchased a guide book. It makes sense that I would want to be that way, it makes sense that anyone would want to follow in the footsteps of Socrates in the story. He is a god in my eyes, and I can't help but picture him looking exactly like Nick Nolte. One of my favorite quotes from the movie is "There is No Starting or Stopping Only Doing." and I agree, you can't stop the world and you don't really start anything. You do it. You breathe, you walk, you talk, you think, you do work. It's all a string of doing. Another good one is "Life is Choice, you can chose to be a victim or anything else you'd like to be." It is a harder bit of information for me to swallow but I agree. I've been fighting depression for a few years now and I actively choose not to let it run or ruin my life. I fight against it.
The one quote that I think is the reason I thought about this story now is " There are no ordinary moments" I may not think those moments in my past were as epic as they seemed but there really are no ordinary moments.
Here is a trailer clip
I can't think of how to explain the rest of them so here's the quotes... You really need to watch the movie and read the book.
"Throw out everything you don't need...that's keeping you from this moment."
"Everything has a purpose, even this, and it's up to you to find it."
"A Warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does."
"The journey is what brings us happiness not the destination "
"The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most. "
"A warrior is not about perfection or victory or invulnerability. He's about absolute vulnerability. "
"The Mind is just a reflex organ, it reacts to everything."
"I want you to stop gathering information from the outside and start gathering it from the inside. "
"I call myself a peaceful warrior because the battles we fight are on the inside."
"People are not theirs thoughts, they think they are, and it brings them all kinds of sadness. "
"Death isn't sad. The sad thing is: most people don't live at all. "
"Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you come to your senses."
"This moment is the only thing that matters."
"Are you paying attention?"
The Morning After
Have you ever noticed that the morning after you've worked hard you are exhausted? I do quite frequently but working hard is something of a novelty for us young adults. Not many of us do it, and it is unfortunate because with out working hard we'll never know what it's like to be an overachiever, and we will never gain any significant amount of praise. People don't work hard because they are afraid of that exhaustion. The exhaustion, however, is a reminder of what you've accomplished. Your body is run ragged because You've done something with it. I remember one of the first times I was at work and it got busy. I had to juggle twenty family members paying for their kid's tennis lessons all at once. I had to make sure everyone paid the right amount, every family with siblings got a discount, and that they all got at least two schedules for our programs. It went on for a good three hours and afterwards I was half dead. At that time I had no idea what value there would be in that experience but years later it's become the anecdote I tell on job interviews to ensure that the people hiring know that I can handle stressful situations. Which I think I've also proven after surviving the last three years or so at Ursinus.
I've heard this school called the Ivy League liberal arts school. I've heard UC called hell. I've heard a thousand names for this pretty campus, but for the last three almost four years now I've called it home. I wanted to go study abroad but one thing led to another and I couldn't so I've spent every semester here and I've learned a lot. Looking back at the past years I would definitely trade one of them for a semester in Italy or a semester in London as I was planing on, but I really shouldn't think that way. The heart breaks and pain that I faced from my old roommates and ex boyfriend are probably some of the most valuable lessons I've learned.
People say your meant to find yourself in high school and have fun in college, or is it the other way around? Either way, I feel like a late bloomer. I liked high school for the most part, I didn't really have a social life in it until junior and senior year, but I had fun. If you'd ask me back then I wouldn't tell you that but there were a lot of great moments during those years. I remember two guys playing jump rope with pig intestines in my Lab Bio freshman year, and one of those guys climbing out the window waiting to see if the teacher would notice him. I remember watching movies at another friends house crouched on the floor surrounded by my friends, all making jokes and having an epic time. I have a hundred memories like those but back then I didn't see them for what they were, teenagers never do.
Now I'm in college and I'm in that in between stage. Freshman year I made two friends, and in sophomore year that bubble grew a little bit, it was a bad bubble. Junior year I was in the same bubble and I was dating a guy with in that bubble. I'm sure anyone can see the bubble had to pop, but I wish it had popped sooner. It's senior year and I'm finally doing my work. I'm committed to school and I have a passion for things that I haven't had in years. I don't think I wrote much of anything after I met and started dating my ex. I was too wrapped up in him, and I'm not surprised that the asshole dumped me the day after our one year anniversary. If I'd been on campus I'm pretty sure he would have done it on our anniversary. Sounds like I haven't but I have moved on. I can see him now and not feel attracted, I of course miss having a companion for lack of a better term, but him I don't miss.
I'm finally living on this campus, I am in clubs, I'm on the student newspaper. I've got a life now and I am scared it will disappear after graduation. Will this new me, the version of myself that I love, disappear after graduation? I can't let it disappear and I also can't think about that now. I am going to look back on this year like I look back on those moments in high school one day, and be glad, because I have really lived.
"One should not arrive at the grave peacefully and pure, but rather slide in sideways laughing and say "What a Ride" ---I don't know who said this or If I quoted it right but I thought it would be fitting.
I've heard this school called the Ivy League liberal arts school. I've heard UC called hell. I've heard a thousand names for this pretty campus, but for the last three almost four years now I've called it home. I wanted to go study abroad but one thing led to another and I couldn't so I've spent every semester here and I've learned a lot. Looking back at the past years I would definitely trade one of them for a semester in Italy or a semester in London as I was planing on, but I really shouldn't think that way. The heart breaks and pain that I faced from my old roommates and ex boyfriend are probably some of the most valuable lessons I've learned.
People say your meant to find yourself in high school and have fun in college, or is it the other way around? Either way, I feel like a late bloomer. I liked high school for the most part, I didn't really have a social life in it until junior and senior year, but I had fun. If you'd ask me back then I wouldn't tell you that but there were a lot of great moments during those years. I remember two guys playing jump rope with pig intestines in my Lab Bio freshman year, and one of those guys climbing out the window waiting to see if the teacher would notice him. I remember watching movies at another friends house crouched on the floor surrounded by my friends, all making jokes and having an epic time. I have a hundred memories like those but back then I didn't see them for what they were, teenagers never do.
Now I'm in college and I'm in that in between stage. Freshman year I made two friends, and in sophomore year that bubble grew a little bit, it was a bad bubble. Junior year I was in the same bubble and I was dating a guy with in that bubble. I'm sure anyone can see the bubble had to pop, but I wish it had popped sooner. It's senior year and I'm finally doing my work. I'm committed to school and I have a passion for things that I haven't had in years. I don't think I wrote much of anything after I met and started dating my ex. I was too wrapped up in him, and I'm not surprised that the asshole dumped me the day after our one year anniversary. If I'd been on campus I'm pretty sure he would have done it on our anniversary. Sounds like I haven't but I have moved on. I can see him now and not feel attracted, I of course miss having a companion for lack of a better term, but him I don't miss.
I'm finally living on this campus, I am in clubs, I'm on the student newspaper. I've got a life now and I am scared it will disappear after graduation. Will this new me, the version of myself that I love, disappear after graduation? I can't let it disappear and I also can't think about that now. I am going to look back on this year like I look back on those moments in high school one day, and be glad, because I have really lived.
"One should not arrive at the grave peacefully and pure, but rather slide in sideways laughing and say "What a Ride" ---I don't know who said this or If I quoted it right but I thought it would be fitting.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Another begining
This is my third blog, looking back at the other two I don't have much hope for this one but I was inspired today, by a friend. He wasn't present at our Literary Society meeting but emailed an edited piece for someone else to read, and I have a feeling what was read is completely real. He doesn't seem like one to write like that without some sort of facts. The point being is that his words got me thinking of a new start. Got me wanting to write again, and I don't mean writing poetry or anything specific, just writing. I don't want to write my book here, or my dreams. This is meant to be a space filled by me, and only me, after all the box I type this into is blank and white and as I writer I feel it is my duty to fill this space, or attempt to fill it anyway. Isn't that what we do?
I've just finished watching Daydream Nation with Kat Dennings in it. She has some seriously big lips. I don't know why that's the thought that springs to mind right now but it's true. I think I can't stop thinking about it because its true, and the guy in the story said that she had really full lips. I'm more concerned with her voice though. I can't stop thinking about the voice overs she does in that movie. I don't know maybe it's all voice overs for me. All the heart felt ones anyway. There is something about the power of a voice over and the power of hearing words rather than just saying them that makes me shiver.
I sound like a nut bar sometimes I know but I kind of love sounding this way. I kind of love that very few people know how my brain really ticks. I mean if everyone understood that I get scared when someone raises their voice above a normal level they'd think I was some broken piece of a person and shut down. I hate when people look at you like your a problem they just don't want to deal with, I guess that's why I avoid telling people my problems, and focus on theirs. I don't want to think about my real problems. Who knows what things would come from doing that.
The best thing for me is to write it out. Or to write something, anything at all. I remember this one day not to long ago. Probably about two three weeks ago. I woke up late as usual, and my friend texted me. She wasn't going to be at lunch that day. So I sat down and started working on my paper that was due the next day. I'm one of those people who waits to the last minuet on everything. I can't write papers in advance. Any way started writing and since I wasn't hungry I had a few snacks like two hours after what usually qualifies as Lunch Time. I kept writing and trying to focus and trying to get the work done, but I have the attention span of a gnat when I'm writing something I don't want to talk about. I kept instead drinking my juice pouches and distracted myself with other things. A problem arose. I was buzzing. Well at least it felt like my insides were buzzing. I kept checking my hands because it felt like I should be shaking or trembling but I wasn't. My mind was racing and I couldn't keep a thought in my head for more than a second. I was imagining I was hearing things, I was bouncing my legs. I couldn't sit still. I couldn't catch my thoughts. Nothing was right. I wholeheartedly believed that in that moment I was nuts. My friend even noticed when we met up at dinner that night. I kept thinking that The Cracks in my plaster were finally visible, I kept imagining myself in a looney bin, surely I'd fallen off the rocker. However by the time I got to the meeting I had after dinner and sat down to write I was calming. I wrote out a poem. I wrote it and showed it someone else, but told her it was based on a dream I had. Truth be told it wasn't a dream I just couldn't admit to this girl, this nearly perfect stranger that I was terrified of myself that day.
Have you ever been terrified by your own imagination? I'm pretty sure that one day I'm going to turn around and find out that one of my friends isn't real. I don't think I'm anything like Steve Nash but I wouldn't put it past my mind to create someone out of thin air like he did. I of course am referring to what the movie A Beautiful Mind said happened not the real life of the person. I don't know much about Steve Nash. I don't if he really saw what the movie said, and I don't even know If I'm getting his name right. Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. I don't know. To me insanity seems kind of fascinating. I don't mean "Let's go poke the insane and see what happens." I mean in the sense that I am fascinated people exist in a realm different that I do. Some people see and believe things that I never would. To have faith that something you see is real is what makes reality yours, but what it must be like to live in a reality completely different from what I know has to be interesting. Maybe I only think it's interesting because some part of me refuses to see my life as anything but boring. The other part of me wishes I had multiple personalities so I could be something else, someone else for a while.
Who knows these things. I have a million questions about it, and any time I get to ask them, I choke. I always choke when I have something I really want to know about. I mean how would you react if I burst out and asked "Do you know how that star got put in that exact spot?" or what if I asked you to describe a pebble in your shoe, or told you that my nose itches and I'm actually looking forward to the next time I trip and fall. Thoughts like those always pop into my head but I never say them. I never say them out loud be cause I am one of the unfortunate masses who cares what other people think. More Later...It's late for me to be up, or early depending upon what side of the sun your looking at. I'm on the wrong side of Thursday right now, best get some rest.
-CC
I've just finished watching Daydream Nation with Kat Dennings in it. She has some seriously big lips. I don't know why that's the thought that springs to mind right now but it's true. I think I can't stop thinking about it because its true, and the guy in the story said that she had really full lips. I'm more concerned with her voice though. I can't stop thinking about the voice overs she does in that movie. I don't know maybe it's all voice overs for me. All the heart felt ones anyway. There is something about the power of a voice over and the power of hearing words rather than just saying them that makes me shiver.
I sound like a nut bar sometimes I know but I kind of love sounding this way. I kind of love that very few people know how my brain really ticks. I mean if everyone understood that I get scared when someone raises their voice above a normal level they'd think I was some broken piece of a person and shut down. I hate when people look at you like your a problem they just don't want to deal with, I guess that's why I avoid telling people my problems, and focus on theirs. I don't want to think about my real problems. Who knows what things would come from doing that.
The best thing for me is to write it out. Or to write something, anything at all. I remember this one day not to long ago. Probably about two three weeks ago. I woke up late as usual, and my friend texted me. She wasn't going to be at lunch that day. So I sat down and started working on my paper that was due the next day. I'm one of those people who waits to the last minuet on everything. I can't write papers in advance. Any way started writing and since I wasn't hungry I had a few snacks like two hours after what usually qualifies as Lunch Time. I kept writing and trying to focus and trying to get the work done, but I have the attention span of a gnat when I'm writing something I don't want to talk about. I kept instead drinking my juice pouches and distracted myself with other things. A problem arose. I was buzzing. Well at least it felt like my insides were buzzing. I kept checking my hands because it felt like I should be shaking or trembling but I wasn't. My mind was racing and I couldn't keep a thought in my head for more than a second. I was imagining I was hearing things, I was bouncing my legs. I couldn't sit still. I couldn't catch my thoughts. Nothing was right. I wholeheartedly believed that in that moment I was nuts. My friend even noticed when we met up at dinner that night. I kept thinking that The Cracks in my plaster were finally visible, I kept imagining myself in a looney bin, surely I'd fallen off the rocker. However by the time I got to the meeting I had after dinner and sat down to write I was calming. I wrote out a poem. I wrote it and showed it someone else, but told her it was based on a dream I had. Truth be told it wasn't a dream I just couldn't admit to this girl, this nearly perfect stranger that I was terrified of myself that day.
Have you ever been terrified by your own imagination? I'm pretty sure that one day I'm going to turn around and find out that one of my friends isn't real. I don't think I'm anything like Steve Nash but I wouldn't put it past my mind to create someone out of thin air like he did. I of course am referring to what the movie A Beautiful Mind said happened not the real life of the person. I don't know much about Steve Nash. I don't if he really saw what the movie said, and I don't even know If I'm getting his name right. Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. I don't know. To me insanity seems kind of fascinating. I don't mean "Let's go poke the insane and see what happens." I mean in the sense that I am fascinated people exist in a realm different that I do. Some people see and believe things that I never would. To have faith that something you see is real is what makes reality yours, but what it must be like to live in a reality completely different from what I know has to be interesting. Maybe I only think it's interesting because some part of me refuses to see my life as anything but boring. The other part of me wishes I had multiple personalities so I could be something else, someone else for a while.
Who knows these things. I have a million questions about it, and any time I get to ask them, I choke. I always choke when I have something I really want to know about. I mean how would you react if I burst out and asked "Do you know how that star got put in that exact spot?" or what if I asked you to describe a pebble in your shoe, or told you that my nose itches and I'm actually looking forward to the next time I trip and fall. Thoughts like those always pop into my head but I never say them. I never say them out loud be cause I am one of the unfortunate masses who cares what other people think. More Later...It's late for me to be up, or early depending upon what side of the sun your looking at. I'm on the wrong side of Thursday right now, best get some rest.
-CC
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